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Talking it out
I’m a hermit
Steffy steaming the Caftan
I was going to workout every single day and hop on a supercharged cleansing fat loss diet protocol. Eight weeks was enough time to totally transform me into a fit, sleek Curvy Goddess for the shoot.
IT WAS ALL UP TO ME! Ahhhh, the pressure!!
Time ticking away…
Seven weeks pass by…
The fashion shoot is a week away.
Just in time for my freakout.
(Below is a copy of my text message conversation with my good friend and confidant, Aegina.)
D. I’m fat! I’m so lame Aegina!!!!
A. My friend!!! No name calling. Lol. What going on? I was thinking about u.
D. I feel like a big fake right now. Trying to model at my age. I still feel fat and inadequate even around plus size models. Oy! Have photo shoot for new shots this coming Thursday. Photographer and friend are making it a bigger deal than I am. Don’t want it to. Just a bunch of pictures. Just make me up press the stupid button “click” and I’ll go on my merry way.
A. I missed it!!! What???!!! Holy shit. I’m so sorry. First of all I want to acknowledge u for showing up. All of this shit, these feelings is why u were scared to do it. Now that they are surfacing, u must release them. U r judging yourself. Comparing urself. Deep breath. U need to connect to ur inner curvy goddess and let her stomp.
D. Yup, I’m still scared. Alright I know I’m judging. Totally irrational. If I wasn’t model material I would not have been chosen. It’s not like I’m a master con artist. It’s alright you missed it. You’re focusing on you and enjoying these times loving you. I’m proud of you Aegina.
A. I totally wanted to c u. I’m really sorry I missed it. Dance ur Curvy Goddess dance alone to music that turns u on and enlightens u. That will shift u into an empowered place. U have to travel there in ur body. Our brain keeps playing games if we let it.
D. Alright, I’ll do that.
Behind the Scenes
to keep your guard up for protection and not let others in or risk being vulnerable by opening up and receiving the help you truly would like.
No matter how scary or hard it may be the plus womens desire in creating a strong support team around her is natural and powerful in achieving goals.
After my conversation I was still scared but my act of honesty and authenticity by sharing my fears with someone I trusted enabled me to actually go through with the fashion shoot.
I could have easily bailed, canceled the whole thing or do the classic postponement routine. “Well, I’ll have the fashion shoot when I feel like doing it and whenever I’m good and ready…Whenever.”
So Thursday morning arrived. I had everything I needed and was feeling surprisingly “ok!” Tony Armstrong, the photographer; Tara Taylor, the make-up artist; Aliza Belinda, the hair stylist; my great friend and stylist, Steffany Bready; and behind the scenes, documentary photographer, Tieshka Smith all were part of my fashion shoot team for the day.
Special Thanks to Tieshka Smith for these fabulous shots!
If I hadn’t shown up the end results would not have happened. I have to thank Aegina, Tony, Tara, Aliza, Steffany, and Tieshka in helping me achieve these spectacular images.
One of the plus womens challenges is being able to receive support from people around them. I know it’s a challenge for me and I have to be conscious about not poo pooing those who truly want to come to my aid. With the guidance and advice from others, look at what can happen!
Curvy Goddess Angel
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Loved this article and have shared it with my “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Plus Size Models!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” group that I have on facebook!
Hey Ro. Thank you so much for the feedback. Your comment tells me that being real helps those who think that they are the only ones out there in challenging situations.
Wonderful, WONDERFUL article…I appreciate the sharing of your text conversation with your girl. I am a budding plus size designer and get into those head spaces of doubt and even when I modelled those doubts would creep in; we all have them on any given day, but having that type of support that challenges you in the most positive of ways to believe in yourself the way they believe in you…puts wind beneath my wings. Thank you for sharing this
Hi Ava. I deeply appreciate you taking the time to comment on my blog. It’s good to get feedback early on the site. It helps me find out what women want. It’s very important.
But onto the subject. Yes, it’s funny how thoughts in your head can totally make or break or success and achievements. It’s all in our heads!
Diane recently posted..The Plus Womens 5 Quick Tips to Being Re-Inspired to Get In-Shape
This is a great article. You are so right, we all need our support system. Thank You for sharing.
Hey Shannon,
Thanks for the feedback. Glad you liked it!
Diane recently posted..The Plus Womens Challenge of Overcoming a Distorted Body Image
Wanted to drop by and thank you for featuring my photos. The end result was well worth all the effort and collaboration. I hope we’ll be able to work together soon.
Tieshka Smith recently posted..Taken July 4- 2010- Jersey City- NJ
Hey Tieshka,
Yes we will talk. I have some great ideas!
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